One More Time – Then We Get Serious!

Yes, we have some clowns.

I thought I’d take one more look at the bills filed in this year’s edition of the Maryland General Assembly to see if there were any more that were ‘interesting’.  Instead of looking at the House of Delegates this time, I thought I’d trot over the the Senate to see what kind of things were being considered.  Fortunately for me (and you) I did find a few fun things.

We all know that the budget is very tight this year.  The state is looking at a big deficit and the localities are struggling with massive deficits of their own.  But lack of money won’t stop our state senators when the need is both great and urgent.  That’s why Senator Rob Garagiola from Montgomery County has introduced SB 12 for the construction of a tai chi park in Cabin John.  Here on the Shore, where wages are low and unemployment is high, we sometimes make fun of the wealthy and self-absorbed people up in Montgomery County.  But who could deny them their tai chi court!?  You’ve got to commend Senator Garagiola for caring so deeply for his constituents.

Senator Larry Haines – a very distinguished looking Republican Senator representing parts of Baltimore and Carroll Counties has introduced  SB 33 – a proposed amendment to the Maryland Constitution which would establish the right of every Marylander to hunt, fish and harvest wild game subject to regulatory and statutory restrictions.  So what would change?  The Department of Legislative Services says, basically, that it would have no effect at all.  I guess things are slow up in Carroll County.

Senator Haines has introduced another important piece of legislation.  Apparently distraught because Maryland license plates do not have any catchy motto or phrase on them, he’s introduced SB 45 which would add to our license plates the catchy phrase “Home of Our National Anthem.”

I think he’s onto something.  I certainly would feel prouder of my state and happier in general if my license plates had a nice, catchy phrase.  I think we should have a state competition to decide!  I vote for “Eat Crabs of Die.”

Senator Norman Stone of Baltimore County is anxious to help everyone.  That’s why he introduced SB 101.  This bill would require each vending machine which might contain food that might contain peanuts to post a warning label on the outside of the machine.   It’s a great idea in concept, but the predictable result is that every vending machine will then have such a sticker, thus providing no more information to the public than they now have.  I suggest the bill be amended to require separate stickers for peanuts, milk products, gluten, tree nuts, fish, eggs, plant pollen and, for vegetarians, any kind of meat or animal product.  Think how colorful our vending machines will be!

A host of Senators have co-sponsored SB 134.  This bill would establish ‘Young Heroes Day’ on the first monday in October (the same day the Supreme Court begins their session).   As mentioned before, Young Heroes Day would join Law Day, Poetry Day, Asian Lunar New Year Day and a variety of other special days.  Of course this bill, as does the one above, opens a whole panoply of potential legislation.  We can have Old Heroes Day, Left-Handed Heroes Day, Red-Headed Heroes Day and, of course Legislator Heroes Day.

I’ll end with Senator Glassman, Republican of Harford County.   Senator Glassman has introduced SB 226 which would prohibit the sale of Novelty Lighters in Maryland.  A Novelty Lighter, for your information dear readers, is one which “is designed to resemble a cartoon character, toy, gun, watch, musical instrument, vehicle, animal, food or beverage or another similar article or which has entertainment features, including music or lights.”

Now I have no idea why Senator Glassman is so intent on banning these devices.  Thousands are sold on the Ocean City boardwalk every year.  Perhaps they’re being used for some kind of odd rituals up there in Harford County.  I hope we find out!